Mummy, I can do it by myself. (Dependence leads to independence.)

When I was pregnant, it already began. So many opinions, so called 'facts', almost instructions to follow to make sure I don't make a rod for my own back. "Dont hold them too much, let others look after them, definietly don't let them sleep in your bed, strict routine is key!"

It's hard to take everything in. It's even harder, trying to be the best mummy you can whilst being told to do it differently. "Put her down while she sleeps, it's okay, I'll look after her while you go out, just give her a bottle - you need a break".

But..

I held her while she slept, I fed her to sleep, fed her whenever she liked infact. I cuddled her when she cried and ran to her if she fell. She needed me and even on the hard days (when it was intense and maybe I did need a bit of space - or sleep!!) I loved it and all the 'rods' i had apparently created. I had a little person depend on me, for everything, and I felt so lucky, if a little overwhelmed!!

She got older, grew bigger, knew what she wanted. She wanted me - her Mummy. She wanted Mummy to pick her up, Mummy to put her in her car seat, Mummy to bath her and Mummy to put her to bed and I followed her lead! "You've made her not want anyone else, she won't let me hold her. She needs to go nursery so she's used to other people." People meant well, but so many times I've had the blame for her not wanting someone else. It was my fault because I let her cuddle me when she wanted, feed when she wanted, met her emotional and physical needs, parented my own way - ignoring others opinions.

Of course wanted me, I'm her Mum. How lucky am I, to be my beautiful girls safe space? To be the one that gets to wind down with her and cuddle her to sleep.

She grew some more, little whirlwind. Daddy's little girl, she runs at him when he gets home from work, follows him around like a sheep! And now at stay and play groups, she is in her element - a social butterfly. First checking to see that I'm close by waiting for a nod of encouragement, then a week later running in without a second look back - knowing I'll be there IF she needs me. She feels safe. She feels confident. She feels like she can do it on her own - because just incase she needs me, I'll be there in a flash and she knows that. I watch her run around, speak to the group leader, make new friends, learn new skills! Learn gymnastics and ask questions. Join ballet, stand on stage and dance in front of hundreds. All on her own, with a spring in her step and a smile on her face. The beginning of her independence- of becoming her own little being.

She's ready to explore now, and I know it's just the beginning. She's still a baby really, but she is very much her own person, testing the waters by herself. I'll always be somewhere in the crowd, cheering her on. Waiting for that time she may need me again. ♡

I miss the days she needed me to do everything and I miss helping her all the time, but I love that she has grown into this independent, headstrong little madam, that wants to take on the world (most of the time)!!

But on those down days, where she depends on me again - I soak it all up (When she climbs into my bed again in the middle of the night or when she all of a sudden forgets how to put her shoes on.) Knowing it's not going to last long before I hear "Mummy, I can do it by myself!" ♡